In September of 1995 Dave called me from work to say hi and see how I was. He sounded off and I asked if he was okay. That month marked our 4th month of living in Omaha, NE and he had been working exactly that long for a company called Stereo West. In answer to my question Dave expressed a concern because he still felt so restless and unsatisfied with his work--something he thought that this move would cure. That night and over the next couple of days we talked about our future and the decision was made...David would go back to school, get his bachelor's degree, and eventually go to medical school.
Now it is Jan. 2010 and we are at the tail end of his residency. I still remember that decision almost 15 years ago. I shall never forget the undeniable but sure 'knowledge' that the Lord filled my mind and heart with...this was the right path for our family...and with much planning and help we would succeed. The road has been long and arduous. Indeed we could not have come this far without the financial help of family and the loving support of all around us. There have been times along the way that tears, frustration, and depression have filled my heart and pushed out the original feelings I experienced. Days have come and gone when I completely would forget that we could succeed. I have been humbled beyond my previous ability to understand as I have sat in the welfare office waiting rooms knowing that without the financial gifts our government offers we would not eat or be able to go to the doctor. I have lived with a man that has been required to focus too much of his time and attention on education and watched as he struggled to find balance in a competitive environment that did not support a student and then resident who already had a family let alone 7 children. This process of making a doctor/surgeon has required more than I originally understood and I feel deeply grateful for the gift of that knowledge so freely given in September 1995.
The last and final leg in this process has always been my light at the end of a very long tunnel. Eventually, Dave would find a job and we could pay off these student loans and the other debt we have as a result of these years. In addition to that we would be able to afford working cars, life insurance, and shoes for our kids. We have always thought that we would look towards AZ as most of our family lives in that direction and we miss them. So here I am...just months before our lives will make this amazing change--still not knowing where, when, or how. I am bewildered. Many others in our shoes have known so much more about their future employment and they have known it so much earlier.
Dave does have a great offer with more money than I ever could have imagined but ironically through out all the years we promised ourselves that we would not be swayed by $$$ signs. So the offer is here in Pennsylvania, in a cute but very small town--with a dieing youth program and in an awful school district and it is clear to see that he doesn't feel excited by it. Everyday he calls and emails other recruiters, offices, and hospitals in the West with very little response from those he tries to reach. It appears that this process is going to be difficult to the very end.
I continue to hold tight to the original knowledge that filled my mind that September night almost 15 years ago clinging to it with every fiber I possess...we will succeed! BUT praying daily for the light at this tunnel's end to shine more brightly so that we might see our way through more clearly.
